During the holiday season, many people will find themselves experiencing increased levels of stress. Tim Moore, PhD, a child and family psychologist and board certified behavior analyst with University of Minnesota Physicians (M Physicians), explains the underlying causes of holiday stress, how it can manifest and what you can do to manage it.
Causes of stress during the holidays
There are many causes of stress during the holiday season. Generally, stress originates within things you can’t control in addition to expectations you might have for the holidays.
“A lot of stress comes from what we don't control and going into situations that we maybe don't want to be a part of,” says Dr. Moore. “Other sources might come from what we believe we have to do to perform in the ways we think other people want us to… we don't have hard evidence that other people are expecting those things of us, but we put them on ourselves on our own.”
Finances and grief can also lead to stress during the holidays. According to Dr. Moore, many people worry about having enough money to do the things they want.
People may also experience stress because they are going through familiar rituals and routines without loved ones, whether that is because of divorce, death or that someone has moved away and can’t be there in person.
“There could be a range from just unfamiliarity in getting used to new processes all the way up to grief, and profoundly missing people who used to be part of our lives and seasons who no longer are,” says Dr. Moore.
What stress looks like
Increased stress around the holidays can manifest in a variety of ways.
“One of the pieces of advice that I have for people is to know what that stress feels like for you because it does show up in different ways for different people,” Dr. Moore explains.
It’s important to pay attention to where you might carry stress in your body because you can often name the emotions you’re feeling before they physically appear. Dr. Moore says these physical signs of stress may look like:
- Tight shoulders or tightness in the stomach
- Headache
- Fatigue
“Knowing that those are signs of stress and paying attention to what your body's telling you can be really important,” says Dr. Moore.
When stress levels increase, it’s also common to experience more feelings of worry and sadness. While they may be uncomfortable, Dr. Moore says these feelings are normal, especially during the holiday season.
5 things you can do to manage holiday stress
1. Take control where you can
Dr. Moore: Knowing what decisions are yours to make and having those decisions reflect your values is a first step in this. While planning and going through the holiday season, recognizing what decisions are yours, and knowing how you want to reflect who you are and what matters to you during holiday time is important.
2. Know yourself and be proactive
Dr. Moore: Be as proactive as you can be. Identifying what situations you might step into and when tensions might arise, based on the nature of the event that you're going to or the situation you're walking into can be helpful. Try to anticipate in those moments and with those people, not only when tensions might be there, but when decisions might be made by other people and your influence in that situation might be more limited.
3. Take a step back and look at the bigger picture
Dr. Moore: Step back and consider how you want to show up in the situation that you're in. If you’re entering a holiday party, for example, and you notice that you’re worried about one thing or another, or maybe you have some grief over who's not there, how do you want to show up in that situation despite all that?
You can hold onto what's difficult at the same time as living into the values that you want to present to other people and into the world.
4. Take time to recharge
Dr. Moore: Taking time for yourself is important. Recharge your batteries through what you love to do. Invite others with you if that helps you to access those activities, whether it’s going outside, going for walks or going to certain places. Take that time when you need it. You may think it's a big deal to step out of a party. It's really not. You can step outside, you can take a walk.
Dr. Moore also promotes the benefits of mindfulness, and notes that using an app can be helpful too.
5. Be gentle with yourself
Dr. Moore: It's easy to be hard on yourself in how you're handling things or maybe not showing up for people exactly how you want to. When this happens, try to treat yourself with compassion. We’re all human and are all going through some version of this. If you're going through something, then the person next to you probably is too.
If you find yourself experiencing stress or anxiety that is becoming difficult to manage, talking to your primary care provider or a licensed therapist like Dr. Moore can be a helpful place to start. Find one here.
If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health emergency, contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org. For TTY users: Use your preferred relay service or dial 711 then 988.